It was only recently that the penny dropped. I was having a disagreement with someone and it was really stressful. I picked up the phone and started to google ‘what do I do when a friend is being avoidant’ in the hopes that the world of the internet would help me to get all the answers. As it happened, I checked in with myself and acknowledged the problem I had developed — relying on the online world and external addiction to solve problems for me.
It’s 2024 and there are more options than ever. This particularly applies to the world of opinions and advice. Forums such as Quora, Reddit and Instagram threads are full of people’s opinions on how they would handle situations and sometimes, how they have handled them. You see, we are dealing with a lot of varying perspectives without necessarily any way to identify them.
Reading through the numerous answers, I was intrigued by the fact that so many people post this content online and also, relieved that others were in the same boat as me.
When considering this habit and how I would envision kicking it, there were a number of factors that came to mind.
You see, as humans, we search for certainty. We need it and if there is not some sort of predictability, we will consciously and subconsciously seek it out in a variety of ways. These ways are a mixture of those within and outside of our control. Labels and being able to call things out are imperative. In this case, finding ‘an answer’ meant that some level of anxiety was alleviated. It wasn’t really though but I told myself that, at least. Finding a solution is not necessary; learn to sit with the discomfort and come up with the answers yourself is.
The edge of chaos is a state where our brain is seeking answers where there were none before. This applies to specific situations where we are faced with something new or a varied approach to what is going on. As it happens, this is the case more often than we think and certainly, when we are pushed out of our comfort zones. Being able to Google something was far easier than actually having to work through it or sit with the discomfort of not knowing.
Habits become compulsion once we do them for long enough. So, when it comes to being able to identify them, the trigger to take action and actually sustain these habits takes repetition and maintenance. The same applies to bad habits. We need to become aware in order to change them and break the pattern. Opening up my phone this morning to search for a solution to an issue, I was reminded of this as the habit had happened on auto-pilot. Building awareness is key.
Gathering a mixture of perspectives is important. It’s a key part of life and being able to think outside of the box and our usual paradigms means that we are broadening our perspectives.
When we lean fully on the external, however, we are denying our own instincts and intuition. Overtime, this has a massive impact on our lives and how we navigate our path. What is best for us is that we allow ourselves to become reliant on self-trust and self-respect as much as possible. The external noise, then becomes another barometer that we can refer to.
As it happens, there are a number of ways we can lean externally and using these resources mindfully is what will best serve us to build our decision-making muscles.